Crazy Things
by Angel Winter
Summary: Crazy things happen when you're a demigod.
1. Chapter One: Beginning

**This is going to be a series of one-shots of funny things I believe could happen to poor Percy Jackson. Something I work on when I have writer's block or something like that. Hope ya like it!**

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My name is Percy Jackson, and my friends are strange. And not strange as in we have magical powers (more like we have magical parents, if that makes any sense), but more in the way that I seriously believe half of them are mentally disturbed. Don't believe me? Keep reading. You'll see.


	2. Chapter Two: Who Let The Dogs Out?

I woke up feeling great. The sun was shining, I was back at my favorite place in the world, no was getting killed….

"_Ahhh! No! Gahh!"_

Oh, gods.

Quickly I leapt to my feet, snatching Riptide out of yesterday's jeans, not caring to grab some real pants before throwing open the door and…

"_Leo! What in Hades' name is wrong with you?"_

I stood there on the front step, staring out at the chaos unfurling in front of me. Leo hung from Mrs. O'Leary's collar as she ran, tongue flapping, through the middle of the camp, barking and yapping while Leo screamed, _"Wahooo!"_ Annabeth and Jason ran around underneath him, telling him to get off, drop down and they'd catch him, that they were going to kill him for letting the giant hellhound out…

Grover spotted me from where he was cowering behind the bushes. "Peerrrcy!" he bleated, eyes wide. "Calm your dog down!"

I stood there a minute longer, stunned. Then I rubbed my eyes and shuffled back into my cabin, mumbling, "Gods, it's too early for this…"

"_Haha! I am the king of the world!" _Leo screamed behind me as the giant dog hurtled past. I slammed the door shut.

Tyson sat up from where he'd been sleeping, having come to stay the week with me. "What was that, brother?" he mumbled sleepily.

"Just go back to sleep."

"_Fear me!" _

"_Leo, get down before I make you!"_

"_Peerrrcy, help!"_


	3. Chapter Three: Birthday Surprise

"Happy birthday, Percy!"

I smiled as Annabeth, Grover, Tyson, and Nico produced a gigantic blue cupcake from behind their backs. They all grinned proudly at the cupcake as I said, "Thanks, guys. This is awesome."

We sat down around the Poseidon table in the dining pavilion. It was getting late, but we didn't care. Tyson pulled a few forks from his pocket (don't want to know why those were in there….) and passed them around. We all started to move in to stab it when Grover suddenly yelled, "Wait!"

Nico glared. "What?"

"We have to sing 'Happy Birthday,'" Grover insisted, and, despite my objections, they all grinned and began to sing very loudly and out-of-tune.

_"Happy birthday to you!_

_ Happy birthday to you!_

_ Happy birthday, dear Percy…"_

_ Bang!_

My cupcake exploded, splattering us with white cake and blue frosting. We all sat there, stunned, until I turned and noticed to kids running from the pavilion, snickering just loud enough for me to hear.

I growled low in my throat. "Gods, I'm so going to kill those Stolls."

So much for my birthday cupcake.


	4. Chapter Four: Sledding Accidents

"You ready, Nico?"

The dark-haired son of Hades grinned at me from where he was perched precariously on a shield. "You betcha."

Me and Nico were currently sitting on shields at the top of Half-Blood Hill. I'd come to visit some of my friends for Christmas break here and, strangely enough, had found Nico. Somehow I'd gotten sucked into a sledding race, to see who could reach the bottom first. And so here we sat, bundled from the cold, grinning as we prepared to start.

"On your mark…" I said.

"Get set…" Nico said.

"Go!" we both yelled. And we kicked the ground, shooting us forward and down the hill. I screamed at the speed, not realizing how fast we'd end up going. Snow flew into my face, making me feel numb from the cold and, before I knew it, I slammed into something hard.

The Big House.

Groaning, I fell over backwards into the snow, seeing stars. Chiron poked his head around the side of the house from the porch. "Percy?" he asked incredulously.

"Unnhh…" I replied.

Nico went skidding by, his grin seeming to be wider. "I win."


	5. Chapter Five: Unicorns Are Evil

**Review if you think this could really happen to Percy.**

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Charlie the Unicorn hit camp like a bomb- the actual event only lasts a minute or two, but the damage lingers for a long while. And, somehow, I had become the go-to guy to annoy with the viral video references.

Especially by what I now called the Trio- Connor, Travis, and Leo.

They decided to make my life a living nightmare with the annoying unicorns. Sometimes I would walk outside and have CHARLIE THE UNICORN RULEZ spray painted in bright pink letters across my cabin door (trust me, this particular prank occurred a lot). Sometimes, while sitting around the campfire at night, the Trio would randomly start screaming at the top of their lungs, _"They've got lollipops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day…!" _Once they even rigged up my Iris messaging system to play the Charlie videos over and over instead of making my calls. But the icing on the cake (of evil intentions) of the Charlie incidents had to be the day that the Trio stood outside my cabin door for _four freaking hours _with paper cones resembling unicorn horns tied to their foreheads repeating the stupid Charlie the Unicorn and the Temple of Doom thing.

_"Charlie! Where are you?" _asked Connor in a loud, high-pitched voice.

_"Neeiiighhh!" _shouted Leo.

_"I'm in some kind of chamber," _Travis said in a deep voice.

_"Chamber of madness or the chamber of death?"_

"Can I die, please?" I mumbled into my pillow, with I had tried to strangle myself with after the first hour. Every time I tried to leave, they blocked me in, screaming, _"Shun the nonbeliever!" _So I was stuck and slowly going insane.

_"Does it matter?" _

_ "Charlie, I'm on fire- tell me!" _

_ "I don't know! Why did you bring me here?"_

_ "It's all because of the weasel, Charlie. Don't speak to the weasel."_

_ "What weasel?"  
_

"Oh, gods…" I shoved the pillow over my face again. "Make it stop."

_"And on this day, four score and seven years ago, a force of evil so grand~"_

_ "Charlie, get down! Charlie, did you speak to the weasel?"_

_ "No."_

_ "Did you speak to the weasel?"_

_ "I said no!"  
_

_ "Fool, I am the weasel!"_

"Will you guys ever shut up?" I yelled. I wondered if I could blow up my fountain and drown the unicorns right out of my door. I figured I could–and probably would, if this went on much longer. But this was only the second hour.

_"Charlie! What have you done?"_

_ "How was I supposed to know that?"_

_ "Charlie!"_

_ "What?"_

_ ". . .we're naked."_

And I had nightmares for weeks.


	6. Chapter Six: Aliens

**Review, please! Hope ya like my little drabble! :D**

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"Aliens exist!"

Annabeth sighed. "No, Percy, they don't."

"Yes, they do!" I argued. "How else do you explain the messages in cornfields and all the sightings?"

"Some weird dude with a tractor and a couple of shooting stars."

I frowned at her. "Why are you so sure they don't exist?" I demanded.

"Why are you so sure they do?" Annabeth retorted. We glared at each other for a minute, me irritated at her refusal to believe, her irritated at my refusal to see logic.

Then we kissed.

Because that's just how we work.

Man, I loved fighting with her.


	7. Chapter Seven: Clowns, Eyeliner, Heels?

**They had a death wish. Just FYI.**

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Clarisse + big sword + lots of potential victims = abso-freaking-lute chaos.

The Stolls, Leo, and I instantly regretted the makeover we'd convinced the Aphrodite girls to give her as she chased as between cabins waving a sword and looking like a demonic clown in a dress and high heels.

"Get back here!" she screamed, swinging the sword at Leo's head.

He yelped as it just missed his head and embedded itself in the side of the Hermes cabin. "Hey!" the Stolls yelled, then simultaneously ducked as the sword swung over their heads, too.

"You little runts! I'll gut you all like fish!" Clarisse shouted.

"You look beautiful," Leo informed her, and jumped back as she attempted to behead him again.

The Stolls and I snickered. "Yeah, a little more eyeliner and you'll be a beauty queen!" I laughed.

"We can arrange it for you," Connor offered, fighting back a grin.

Clarisse growled almost inhumanly and started chasing us again, yelling about how she'll kill us, and Connor, like the genius he is, decided to make this a challenge and shouted back, "If you can catch us in those heels!"

Needless to say us four got unwanted haircuts (and various physical injuries) that day as she used said heels to beat us senseless.

But, gods, it was worth it.


	8. Chapter Eight: Practice Dummies

Yes.

Demigods can become bored in a world of magic and monsters.

In fact, it was _more _than possible.

So, that's why, one bright and sunny day at camp, Annabeth, Clarisse, Nico, the Stolls, Katie Gardener, Grover, Leo, Jason, Piper and I all trekked to the sword fighting arena to play with practice dummies.

But not with swords.

Because Chiron was convinced we'd stab each other if someone wasn't there to watch us constantly.

Hmph.

When we got there, it was completely empty. Since it was so hot on this particular day, everyone else (who all happened to be sane, and not the opposite, like us) was down at the lake canoeing and swimming and whatnot. I was glad for that. Now we wouldn't be ridiculed for our strange type of entertainment.

"Get all the practice dummies you can!" I said. As everyone scrambled off, I asked Piper, "Do you have the stuff?"

She grinned and held up a small pink bag. "Oh, yeah."

I nodded. "Good." Gods, this was going to be fun.

After a few minutes, the others came back hauling about fifteen dummies. They dropped them all in a pile in the center of the arena, then plopped down on the ground beside them. Piper and I quickly joined the circle, and everyone pulled a dummy to them.

"You ready?" Piper asked.

"Yes!" cheered the Stolls.

"You sure!"

"Yes!"

"Are you really sure?"

"Gods, girl, this is a makeover, not cliff-diving!" snapped Clarisse.

Piper frowned but unzipped the bag, dumping the contents onto the ground in front of her. "Okay, who wants the cherry red lipstick?"

"Eliza does!" said Leo, raising his hand.

"Eliza?"

"Dummies can have names, too."

Piper rolled her eyes and tossed him the lipstick, which he instantly began to apply to the dummy's mouth. And so it went- Piper passing out makeup and us beautifying the practice dummies.

Did Chiron know about this?

No, not really.

But we could always blame the Stolls.

"Does she look too goth?" asked Annabeth, propping up her dummy so everyone could see. The dummy's eyes were ringed with thick black eyeliner.

"Yeah," said Katie.

"Good." She smiled. "Thalia will be proud."

"We should send her pictures!" said Jason.

"And how do you plan to do that without drawing the attention of tons of monsters in the area?" asked Grover, his tongue sticking out of his mouth and his eyes narrowed in intense concentration as he applied blush to his dummy.

"We can always just take pictures and show her when she visits," suggested Leo. "I can quickly go build a camera…." He was already pulling nuts and bolts and wires from his pockets.

Annabeth pulled her phone from her back pocket. "No need."

Leo frowned.

Annabeth started snapping pictures of all the pretty dummies, grinning as she did. "You know, besides sneaking out of camp, this is probably the most reckless thing rule-wise I've ever done," she told us.

"If you're hanging out with us," said Travis.

"Get used to it," finished Connor.

"I have never, ever done makeup before," grumbled Clarisse as she tried and failed to put eye shadow on the dummy without turning its whole head light purple.

"I can get some of the Aphrodite girls to help you," offered Piper.

"Nico, why are you painting a skull in black eyeliner on the dummy's head?" asked Katie as she glanced at the son of Hades' dummy.

"Because I want to," he replied.

I stopped turning my dummy into a hideous clown and looked around at the camper assembled here, all defiling dummies with me. They all were grinning and painting and smiling and smeared with makeup…I started laughing.

Just a giggle at first. Then it got louder and harder until I had to drop my dummy and fell over on my back, holding my sides. It must've been infectious, because after only a few moments, the others started laughing, too. We all rolled around on the ground there for a while, dying laughing, some still cradling the dummies and holding lipsticks.

Suddenly, someone yelled, "Percy Jackson, what do you think you're doing to the practice dummies?"

Instantly, everyone but Travis and Connor yelled, "The Stolls made us!"

And then we all started laughing again, despite Chiron's angry glares.


	9. Chapter Nine: Pick Up Lines

**Just a drabble between Leo and Percy. :D Hope ya like it!**

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"How about, 'Hey, baby, are you an alien? Because you are out of this world!'"

"No, Leo."

"Um…then what about, 'Are you an angel? Because I think I'm in Heaven!'"

"Leo, that's stupid."

"Then, 'You from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see!'"

"Where do you even come up with these?"

"Google. Now, how about-"

"Leo, these pick-up lines aren't going to get you a girl. In fact, if you use one, the most you're gonna get from a girl is a kick where it hurts and an injured pride."

"…That's harsh, man."

"That's life, dude."


	10. Chapter Ten: Fame Revealed

**A what-if moment ended with inspiration. :D Hope ya like it!**

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I was currently attempting to play pinochle with Mr. D (since Chiron was on a special mission for Zeus and 'Peter Johnson' was the only camper's name he could remember, I was forced to try and play).

"So…um, how do I do this again?" I asked, wincing at his look of irritation. I prayed he wouldn't choke me with grape vines, a threat he used against me quite often.

But he seemed to control himself and just sighed. "You are very stupid, aren't you, Peter Johnson?"

"It's Percy Jackson," I mumbled, but he was already trying to re-explain the rules of the game to me.

"So, you see, all you have to do is-"

_"Mr. D!"_

The god growled slightly and looked angrily towards the door, where Annabeth stood, breathless, as if she'd ran the whole way here. "What now?" he demanded.

"I…I…" she gasped.

"Spit it out!" Dionysus snapped, and I glared at him. He ignored me.

"I just found out something you might want to hear," she finally got out.

"What is it?" The immortal's eyes grew bright for a second. "Did they make a new Pac-Man game?" he asked hopefully.

Annabeth frowned a little. "Um, no."

His eyes dimmed again. "Then I don't care." He waved his hand at her. "Go away, I'm teaching your boyfriend here how to play pinochle."

"Sir, you should hear this," insisted Annabeth.

"Fine, but make it quick," the god relented.

I gave Annabeth a curious look. What was so important that she dared to interrupt Mr. D's game of pinochle? That was almost asking to be turned into a grape.

"One of the satyrs returned with a couple new campers, and they started talking about how they'd heard all about Camp Half-Blood, and wondered if they could meet Percy and Nico," she explained.

"So?" asked Mr. D in a bored tone.

I frowned. "How did they know about camp? Or, better yet, me and Nico?"

"Well, that's what I asked." Here she paused and took a deep breath. Then she blurted, "Apparently, some guy named Rick Riordan wrote a book series about us and then authorized it being made into a movie!"

Mr. D spit Diet Coke across the table, spraying me with the soda. _"What?"_

"Gross!" I exclaimed, looking down in disgust at my t-shirt. Then I stopped grumbling, her words suddenly hitting me. Then I yelled out, too, _"What?"_

She nodded. "I said that, too. Apparently it's called 'Percy Jackson and the Olympians.'"

I frowned deeper, not sure I liked that publicity among mortals.

Suddenly Leo popped his head in the door, beaming. "Did you hear?" he said, nearly bursting with excitement. "I'm famous!"


	11. Chapter Eleven: Aqua Man

**Ah, those Stolls. What can we do with them? :D**

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"For the last time, just because I can breathe underwater does not mean I have gills!" I snapped.

Travis held up his hands in a sign of surrender. "Okay, okay, don't shoot!"

Connor said, "Jeez, it was just a question."

I shot them a look and continued my walk towards the lake. Unfortunately, they followed along right behind me. "So, do you think its appropriate to nickname you 'Aqua-Man'?" asked Connor after a minute.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm not some fictional character or whatever! I am not a fish, I'm not a superhero, and no, _I do not know where Nemo is_."

Travis grinned. "Well, according to Rick Riordan guy Annabeth told us about, you _are _a fictional character…"

"Shut up!"

"Whatever you say, Aqua-Man."

I threw my hands up in the air. "I give up! Just, please, go away!"

"Well, since you said please…no."

That was the day I nearly killed Connor and Travis Stoll.


	12. Chapter Twelve: The Week Boys Dread

**A what-if moment I wrote down and decided to post :D**

* * *

"It's just so sad!" Katie sobbed while Annabeth nodded, noisily blowing their noses into their seventeenth hundred tissue simultaneously.

"I know!" Annabeth agreed tearfully. "She just wanted him to love her and…and…"

_"He leaves her for her sister!" _the two girls wailed in unison.

Silena looked up from where she'd buried her face in a pillow that was now smeared with black mascara. "And right after her dad dies, too!" Silena cried, sniffling.

Then they all started crying and dabbing their eyes while they continued watching the soap operas.

Travis, Beckendorf, and I sat above them on the couch, all three of us slumped down in utter defeat, unable to make them happy, unable to silence them, unable to be happy while they sobbed for fictional people. When the girl's dog died, we felt like crying, too- but only because the three girls wailed louder.

About ten minutes later Connor walked in. "Hey, guys I 'borrowed' some popcorn from down the street and wanted to see if—" He stopped dead behind us when he saw the three sobbing girls on the floor. He looked to us (dying inside) and back to the girls (wailing like banshees for the girl's dog). Then, leaning down in between us boys and saying quiet so as the girls couldn't hear: "That time of the month again!"

We all just groaned.


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Why My Animals?

__**Hehe...I can so see this happening..**

* * *

_Boss! Help! Help!_

The sound of Blackjack's voice in my head woke me up. He sounded panicked, in true danger. Quickly I jumped up, throwing on random clothes, snatching Riptide out of my pants pocket, and bolting out the door and towards the pegasus stables. As I neared, I uncapped Riptide and yelled out, "I'm comin', Bud—"

But I was interrupted by the sound of someone hissing, "Oh _crap_! Blackjack!"

_You guys are doing bad things to me! _the pegasus yelled, even though only I could hear him. _Boss, help!_

I skidded to a stop just outside the stable doors, my adrenaline fading into exasperation. I opened the doors and looked inside. "Annabeth! Piper!"

The two girls froze as I glared at them. They both stood, hiding the black pegasus from me. "Oh, hey, Percy!" Annabeth said, smiling. "What's up?"

"What did you do Blackjack?" I demanded, trying to peek over their heads, but they simultaneously stood on their tiptoes, preventing me from seeing.

"Oh, nothing!" Piper insisted. "He's just a big crybaby!"

_I am not! Why you little…Boss! Get them away from me!_

I rolled my eyes, sighed, and ran around them both. They shouted, "Hey!" but I ignored them. When I saw my pegasus, I felt my jaw hit the floor. He was decked out in a pink, frilly party hat, red lipstick messily applied to his horse lips, and partially dyed blue. "Wha…Wha…," I stammered.

Blackjack whinnied indignantly and pawed the ground, turning his head to face me. _How bad is it, Boss? Tell me the truth._

"What did you do to him?" I shouted finally.

"Um…a little makeover?" Piper said hesitantly, shrugging, all the while trying to hold back a grin.

Annabeth had less luck. She burst out laughing, "At least we made him blue!"

"Partially blue," a different voice corrected, and Leo popped his head up from Blackjack's other side. He raised his eyebrows at me when he said, "You should see what they did to the hellhound."

"Mrs. O'Leary?" I gasped, before bolting towards the door.

"We thought pink fit her personality more!" Piper shouted after me before collapsing into a fit of laughter.

"Why only _my _animals?" I yelled back at them furiously.

_Animal? _Blackjack protested angrily in my head.


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Hacky Sack

**I just remembered that little sentence from The Lightening Thief and received the inspiration for this! Hope ya like it :D**

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"Okay, Grover—let's try this again."

Grover raised his eyebrows. "You sure?"

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. "We _will _do this."

"But…"

"No buts! C'mon, get ready!"

Grover sighed, "Okay…but it'll probably end the same way as last time."

"Pessimistic goat," I mumbled, and he bleated indignantly at me. Then, with a completely serious look on my face, I pulled an apple out of my bag and proceeded to bounce it to him off my ankles. For a few minutes, we were doing good.

But then the moment the apple got too close to his face, he took a huge bite out of it, ruining our "ball."

"Sowwy Pewcy," he told me sheepishly with a mouth full of apple.

Annabeth laughed from the sidelines (cabin porch). "I told you!" she said. "We are never going to be able to play hacky-sack with him if he eats the hacky-sack!"

"Well, is there anything he doesn't eat?" I demanded.

"Hey!" Grover objected. "I don't like…" He trailed off, trying to think of an answer.

Annabeth just rolled her eyes, shutting her laptop and getting up to head back to her cabin. "Seaweed brain," she muttered as she passed. Then, a moment later, "Goat boy."

"Somehow," Grover said, watching her walk away, "I feel like I've been insulted with my own nickname."


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Halloween

**Ah, yes...Halloween is such a fun (candy-filled ;D) holiday, isn't it?**

* * *

I stood at the top of Half-Blood Hill, waiting for my friends to show up. I'd been here for over an hour, and the diving suit I was wearing was starting to feel really uncomfortable…

"Percy!"

I turned at my name, awkward with my flippers stuck on my feet. Through the cloudy goggles, I could see Annabeth running up the hill towards me in a short white dress, fake white wings, and a lopsided halo on her head. "An angel?" I commented as she neared. "Where's the lightning?"

She glared and retorted, "A deep sea diver? I'll look forward to shoving you in the lake and seeing if that air tank is real or a prop."

"See what I mean?" But I smiled as she rolled her eyes and gave me a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Happy Halloween!" she said.

"And a very merry Christmas!" chorused the Stoll twins as they popped up behind her, one arm slung over each of her shoulders. They were dressed in identical Santa costumes, complete with the fake beards and giant bellies.

"It's Halloween, you guys," Annabeth sighed, shrugging their arms away. "Christmas won't be here for over a month."

"But Santa's awesome!" argued Travis. "He brings presents that we don't have to steal!"

"And these costumes come with a plus on Halloween," put in Connor, holding up a replica of Santa's bag. "It's huge and perfect for holding candy!"

"Oh, please," Katie snorted from behind me, making me jump because I hadn't known she was there. She wore all black with kitty whiskers painted on her face and cat ears poking up from her hair. "The last thing you guys need is candy."

"But Katie-Cat!" whined Travis.

"Ugh! I did not come here to listen to you two gripe," roared a loud voice, and we all turned to see Clarisse in her capture-the-flag armor trudging up the hill towards us.

"That's not a costume!" I protested.

"Like anyone's gonna know its real," she replied, glaring at me and effectively shutting me up.

"Annabeth!" Piper came running up the hill dressed as a devil, Jason not far behind her in a toga.

"You two should switch," Connor mentioned, gesturing to the angel and devil, who both gave him a look that made him wonder which was which.

"Anyone want some Snicker bars?" Jason asked as he came within earshot. "We hit up a few houses on the way here."

I frowned. "But you don't have a bag…"

Then we all went real quiet…

_"Leo!"_

* * *

Already lounging in Beckendorf's old bed in his cabin, Leo in a greasy mechanics outfit chuckled as he unwrapped another candy bar.

"Suckers!" he laughed.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Satyr Watching

**Poor satyr...hope ya like this one! :D**

* * *

When I first found Leo and the Stolls stretched out in lawn chairs near the forest, my first thought was _What the heck are they doing? _Because they sat there, eating out of a bucket of popcorn that Connor held in his lap, laughing and cheering, but the reasoning behind it all was beyond me. So, curious, I came up behind them.

"What are you guys doing?"

Leo almost choked on his popcorn, I startled him so much. The Stolls started laughing again until Leo had coughed up the kernel and turned to glare at me. "Not cool, man," he said.

"Um, sorry. What are you doing?" I repeated, fighting back a little grin.

"Oh…well, um…"

"Hey, there's another one!" Travis interrupted, and instantly they all turned around. I looked up to see what they were so excited about and knew a _why-on-earth-do-you-find-this-amusing _expression crossed my face.

As a satyr went running by, chasing a pretty tree nymph, the threesome started shouting at him:

"Come on, bro, you got this!"

"You got her this time!"

"Kiss her! Kiss—oh, she turned into a tree."

"Ouch…that looked like it hurt…"

"Face first, too…"

Sighing, I just turned and walked away.

After I stole some of the popcorn, of course.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: What Sea Monster?

**I can so see something like this happening. :D**

* * *

"How come every time _you're _with us," grumbled Clarisse, "we get attacked by some sort of sea monster?"

I bobbed to the surface to respond so my words didn't come out as mere bubbles. "It's not my fault some creatures have grudges against my dad!" I protested.

"But it _is _your fault that every time we go boating outside of camp our _rented boat _gets eaten!" spluttered Grover, struggling to keep himself above the water with his hooves.

"And you never have the money to pay for the boat, either!" said Thalia, trying to keep her silver Huntress crown above the water.

"My fire's all out!" whined Leo.

And the group started talking all at once, complaining about my sea monster issue. Piper complained she'd lost a shoe to that monster, Jason claimed he'd hit his head so hard he'd nearly lost his memory a second time, Annabeth just kept calling me "Seaweed Brain," and the Stolls…well, they splashed everyone and induced all new complaints.

Finally I shouted, "Shut up!"

Reluctantly they quieted.

"Okay, so you're all really ticked at me right now," I said. "But before you decide who to kill when we get back, remember…who's going to get you to shore without you actually having to swim all the way back there?" And I pointed to where the shore was just a dot in the distance.

They were all quiet for a minute.

Then Leo said, "What evil sea monster that we wish to hold you responsible for?"

I smiled. "That's what I thought." And I started guiding the currents to carry us back to the shore, hoping that their wish to not waste energy would keep me alive for longer than five minutes once we reached solid ground.


	18. Chapter Eighteen: Traps

**I think this would happen. Don't you?**

* * *

"Why does he insist on setting traps?" I demanded, dangling by my foot in a rope from a tree in the woods.

Annabeth was obviously trying not to burst out laughing as she managed to say, "He's convinced some of the monsters are going to eat him if he falls asleep in the workshop without them."

I managed to cross my arms upside down. "That's things probably rigged up with a million defense systems already! Someone needs to tell him that the monsters _can't get in_. And to disable these things."

"I think its pretty funny."

"Shut up and get me down already! The blood's rushing to my head."

But Annabeth finally broke and held her sides as she died laughing at my expense. I scowled and tried to reach up at undo the trap myself, but I swung with every movement till I was lightheaded and dizzy.

Suddenly Leo came strolling out of the bushes. He grinned at the spectacle in front of him. "They work! My traps work!"

"Get me the crap down from here, flame-brain!" I shouted.

Annabeth just kept laughing until Leo joined her, leaving me dangling from the trees as they rolled in the grass.


	19. Chapter Nineteen: Second Shot

**In honor of the new extra book thingy that Rick just released last month!**

* * *

"Okay," I said, sliding into one side of the booth of the restaurant. "Second shot…no gods in sight…"

Annabeth smiled. "Good," she said. "I'm not having another date of ours ruined because one of those gods gets careless—"

"Hey, is that Aphrodite's limo pulling up outside?" I asked, peeking out the window.

"Oh gods, no!" Annabeth threw back the curtains to stare out the window with me. When a drop-dead gorgeous woman stepped out of the limousine and waved her fingers at us, we both jerked back and let the curtains fall, Annabeth spewing all sorts of creative words in Greek.

I sighed before shrugging and trying, "Maybe the third time's a charm?"

"If we ever get to that," she muttered.

"…There's a back door in the kitchen."

"Hurry, before she gets inside!"

And we bolted for the door.


	20. Chapter Twenty: Craziest Things

**I realized I hadn't put Hazel and Frank in and decided that was a horrible crime. So here's to my second favorite Percy Jackson pairing!**

* * *

"Soooo…you know me from a long time ago?"

"Yup."

"I was your best friend?"

"Yup."

"And you had a crush on me?"

"Yup."

"And I should be dead?"

"Yup."

"Did I leave anything out?"

"Well, there is the fact that I should be dead, too."

"Yeah." Leo ran his fingers through his hair before turning to face the curly-haired girl standing beside him. "Well, I never expected this."

"Me neither," agreed Hazel.

"Sometimes the craziest things happen, don't they?"

"Really crazy," she said.

"….Comes with the whole demigod thing, I guess."

"Yup."

Then he grabbed her hand and started dragging her towards the camp. "C'mon," he urged. "Let's go see who's minds we can screw up with this logic!"


End file.
